To: The Wilpons and Omar Minaya
Re: The remainder of the 2009 MLB Season
We, the long-suffering fans of the New York Mets franchise, implore you to simply forfeit the remainder of the 2009 season and begin preparing for 2010. The injury rate of Mets starters this year may otherwise soon be matched by the rate at which Mets fans are committed to insane asylums or plunging from skyscrapers (or from the top of Shake Shack, if nothing else). The Mets players all require time to heal their physical ailments (and also some time to maybe watch instructional videos on baseball...), and we fans require at least a full year to recover emotionally and mentally. Many of us have endured the collapses of the last two years -- as well as the choking in the 2006 NLCS -- and continued to root unconditionally for the Mets with all our hearts. However, so far this year, we have been forced to suffer through losses due to a dropped fly ball in left field by Murphy, a miss of 3rd base by Ryan Church (followed by a comedy of errors in the field), a dropped pop-up in the 9th inning by Castillo against the hated Yankees, multiple blow-out games against those same Yankees, a bases-loaded walk to Mariano Rivera to give those same Yankees an insurance run, and Fernando Martinez falling down on a fly ball followed by a 4-run double by Ryan Braun. And that is only the minimum list. Several other losses have been nearly as devastating to us devoted fans. Therefore, for the welfare of all those involved, we urge you to forfeit the remainder of the 2009 Major League Baseball season. After all, it looks like we may never win another game anyway.
Please act quickly.
The New York Mets Fan-base